New Normal

MRI and Judy during Angiogram

On the evening of November 19th (yes, mere hours after I wrote my last post), I experienced two seizures, the second of which occurred in the ER and forced the doctors to intubate and sedate me.  The result was that my memory of that evening through the morning of November 22nd (and most of the rest of Nov 22nd) has been completely lost.  After many tests, the doctors determined that my seizures were caused by something called a cavernous malformation (CM).  A CM (as pictured above) is a mass of blood vessels that has probably been in my brain since before I was born.  This mass has slowly bled into itself and grown all of my life.  What caused the seizures was that some of the blood actually bled out into my brain.  The flow of the blood is so slow that the CM is not considered by the doctors to be very volatile.  They have prescribed anti-seizure medication which should hold future seizures at bay even if more bleeding happens.  The CM may someday grow to a size that needs to be operated on, but for now the doctors are convinced that surgery is far too dangerous to cause the benefits to outweigh the risks.

The past several weeks have been a roller-coaster of doctors visits and emotions.  My initial reaction to the problem was: "Take it out--fix it--and let me go on with my life".  This, however, is not an option.  Even if the CM were to be removed, there is still a relatively high chance that I would continue to have to take anti-seizure medications for the rest of my life.  Any scar tissue from the removal of the CM could cause seizures.  This is a scary prospect too since anti-seizure medications can have their own set of medical risks and discomfort.  For now, God seems to be protecting me from the worst of the possible side-effects of my current medication, but this could change over time.  And even so, some of the side-effects are there: a feeling of a mental fog, and some anxiety.  These side-effects have definitely changed how I see my world and function in it.  I am also unable to drive (by law) until the end of February.

And yet, God began redeeming this traumatic experience right from the beginning.  Ever since the moment that the news of my situation was shared with our church family, they have rallied around us in ways that have been immeasurably helpful and loving.  Also, the doctors here in Casper encouraged us to get a second opinion.  We traveled to Ohio where my family lives since two of the best hospitals in the nation for neurology are located within miles of my family.  This allowed for us to celebrate Christmas and New Year's with my family.  In fact, my dad's side of the family--all 22 of us--were able to gather for the first time in almost 10  years.  Most specially, I was able to see my maternal grandmother. Even in her confusion, I am convinced she recognized me and we were both blessed by this visit.

Judy with Grandma Turnbull & Judy with cousin Megan making pretzels

God continues to redeem our situation, but it has been a journey of learning how to live in our "New Normal".  Many of you are already praying for me and my husband during this journey and we thank you deeply for your prayers.  We know that God is in the business of healing.  I am sure that he has already begun that process emotionally, and we look forward to seeing his hand on my physical condition as well.  Thank you again for your love.